This evening out of sudden, I found myself in quite exactly what I experienced seven years ago.
I found that the efforts I made last weekend ended up in nothing, my two sleepless nights ended up in nothing, my three follow-up emails were nothing at all, and my non-stop wait was meaningless.
Though what I had done was so real.
Tonight’s incident reminded me much of what I was treated by my then-editor-in-chief. I did try to hold my tears but I failed.
One noon of 2005, while I was editing my page, he came to the desk I was sitting and threw an application in front of me.
“Try to win this scholarship. T failed.”
I didn’t make any promise to him. But I did win that scholarship. Guess what, he didn’t let me go for that scholarship abroad.
A year later, I tried again and I won again. But he kept turning me down. I asked for why. He said I must be a party member first.
Those words have never faded in my mind.
That time I was the only victim. But this time, I learned that I wasn’t the only one. And this isn’t the first time to me.
I just want to say that all I want is to study. I came here is to study. And I have studied very seriously.
All I need is the respect towards my studying seriousness. All explanations are meaningless to me.