Promise Me

This evening out of sudden, I found myself in quite exactly what I experienced seven years ago.

I found that the efforts I made last weekend ended up in nothing, my two sleepless nights ended up in nothing, my three follow-up emails were nothing at all, and my non-stop wait was meaningless.

Though what I had done was so real.

Tonight’s incident reminded me much of what I was treated by my then-editor-in-chief. I did try to hold my tears but I failed.

One noon of 2005, while I was editing my page, he came to the desk I was sitting and threw an application in front of me.

“Try to win this scholarship. T failed.”

I didn’t make any promise to him. But I did win that scholarship. Guess what, he didn’t let me go for that scholarship abroad.

A year later, I tried again and I won again. But he kept turning me down. I asked for why. He said I must be a party member first.

Those words have never faded in my mind.

That time I was the only victim. But this time, I learned that I wasn’t the only one. And this isn’t the first time to me.

I just want to say that all I want is to study. I came here is to study. And I have studied very seriously.

All I need is the respect towards my studying seriousness. All explanations are meaningless to me.

(Halloween, October/30/2012)

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